Thursday, November 23, 2017

Michael's Musings

Would You Like a Leg? A Thigh? Or...
Michael Shinafelt
Let's start things off by wishing you and yours a Happy Thanksgiving. I sincerely thought about listing the things I am thankful for this week. Then I thought who the f#ck am I kidding?!

This Daddy is too authentic for that kind of BS! That does not mean you will not find gratitude in this Turkey Day column. It simply means I am keeping it real like I always do. Yep, it's business as usual my minions...gobble, gobble!

Tea Bags or Tea Bagging? Know the difference???

Every Thanksgiving I wonder: What do Victoria's Secret Models eat today?

For the record I copped a feel off Billy Idol's ass once

Oh Fang! "My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor." - Phyllis Diller

Sandy Zacky's "White Christmas" is a treasure, yep, it's Thanksgiving so listen to it, and listen to it now!

There is always something there to remind me...of what? I don't know
David Cassidy
David Cassidy passed away. I remember fantasizing hard about this Annie Leibovitz shot image of him from Rolling Stone. It's all about the pubic hair.

What? You want more Christmas? Damn! It's only Thanksgiving!!! OK, here you go Mike Clifford's rendition of "The Christmas Song"

Alright, I will tell you WTF I am thankful for. My friends, my family, my life. The usual suspects.

My advice to anyone? No matter what, keep smiling. Even if you aren't happy it's contagious and has the power to disturb others.

Something I would be thankful for? Anything that would truly make America great again instead of this dictatorship I did not vote for.

On that note, I am thankful turkey has Trytophan, sleep it does a body good

Today will be glorious, I am loving a day with nothing to attend to, except eating!

Boxing is my new jam!

Get on your knees and thank me at:

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Pills & Kills "The Theta Girl"

Once upon a time...

The Theta Girl, a feature film produced by first-time filmmakers David Axe and Christopher Bickel, is coming to film circuits this Winter.

The film had its world-premiere in Atlanta on Friday the 13th of October at midnight -- a fitting time slot for opening what director Christopher Bickel calls "a brutally violent existential horror film." At the Atlanta screening, several audience members walked out of the film following one shocking scene depicting a violent home invasion. The audience members who remained were very vocal and enthusiastic about their enjoyment and appreciation of the film, one audience member writing in a comment online: "Holy sh*t! Talk about a low-budget MASTERPIECE. A gory drug-induced mystery! A psychedelic B Movie thriller! Roger Corman-esque Punk cinema that's WAY better and smarter than it should be! A++++++"

The Theta Girl was produced on a shoestring budget of $14,000. To put that budget into perspective, the film could have been made 3,571 times over for what it cost Hollywood to make one Emoji Movie. It is the first film for Axe and Bickel, and indeed it was the first film for the majority of cast and crew. Though the film exhibits some rough edges as a result of its extremely low budget and the experience level of the creators, it has been enthusiastically praised for its high entertainment value, thoughtful existential themes, and shocking content. 

The film has already received accolades from critics. One critic gushing "not only is it possibly the best independent film of 2017 but possibly one of the best examples of low budget filmmaking EVER!" (full review HERE)

Venerated Indie Film magazine Film Threat gave The Theta Girl high marks calling it "edgy, thoughtful, quality entertainment." (full review HERE)

Billed as an "existenploitation film," The Theta Girl follows the trials and tribulations of young drug-dealer, Gayce Delko, and the hallucinogen she peddles. "Theta" was a "fun drug" -- a drug that blew people's minds. Theta was supposed to be a door to Heaven, but when her best friends get methodically and brutally murdered, Gayce realizes theta might also be a door to Hell -- and it's up to her to shut it. The film's tagline is "She brought the pills. He brought the kills." 

Bickel describes The Theta Girl as "an exercise in sex, drugs, punk rock, brutality, gore, revenge, and self-actualization... but really it's an art film." 

The Theta Girl was written by David Axe and directed by Christopher Bickel, who also shot, edited, and provided sound-design for the film. Axe and Bickel also served as the film's producers under the "Barron Perter Productions" moniker. The film stars Victoria Elizabeth as "Gayce," Shane Silman as "Brother Marcus," and Darrelle D. Dove as "Derek." 

The film has not been rated by the MPAA, but it contains nudity, drug use, adult themes, and extremely graphic violence. 

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Hitting The Tinsel, Gwen Stefani

Be Your Own Ornament!
Gwen Stefani
Since Thanksgiving draws nigh and is officially/unofficially the start of Christmas, yes I said the start of Christmas, because lets face it Christmas is truly more than a day in December it is one long _______ fill in your own blank.

While many of you turkey gobblers will be hitting the bottle this weekend, witness one Gwen Stefani at the Empire State Building tree lighting ceremony, hitting the tinsel as it were. That's correct minions while most of you are keeping Christmas at bay by drinking the pain away this weekend Gwen is embracing it by dressing like a tree ornament so her and the tinsel are one.

Gee you'd never know she has a holiday CD to promote bearing the ominous title You Make It Feel Like Christmas, now would you???

Give in to your inner tinsel desires and bend it like Gwen, be your own tree ornament damn it!

Gwen on Instagram:  

Monday, November 20, 2017

Zero F#cks Monday

She's Got The Look
Erika Jayne
The less said about last night's American Music Awards the better. The AMAs felt like a fast food menu, you partake but there is no real satisfaction. 

While combing through red carpet photos this morning one of the images stood out for me, the one of Erika Jayne slaying with a that's, well, so Erika. Also because Season 8 of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills draws nigh. 

The premiere date is etched in stone in my brain. Why you might ask? Because it is the day after my Birthday. "Yes" the RHOBH premiere date is Tuesday December 19th, the day of my birth is Monday December 18th. Got it? I know you do. So I guess that means Bravo is giving me their present a day late, bastards!

So here it is me giving zero f#cks the Monday before Thanksgiving about the AMA's because, well they were boring AF!


Follow Erika Jayne on Instagram, like me, at:  

Sunday, November 19, 2017


Hungry for something different?

501 (see three) ARTS and 24th STreet Theatre are thrilled to present the West Coast premiere of Pang! on Saturday, December 2 at 8:00pm and Sunday, December 3, 2017 at 3:00pm. Pang! – by Dan Froot and Company – is a triptych of adventurous live radio plays based on the oral histories of three American families hungering for change. The 90-minute production is being performed for theatre audiences in the three cities where the actual families live: Cedar Rapids, Iowa (10/20 & 10/21), Los Angeles, California at 24th STreet Theatre (12/2 & 12/3), and Miami, Florida (1/26 & 1/27/18). Pang! aims to raise awareness, decrease stigma, and promote cross-class dialogue around circumstances faced by families living below the poverty line. For more information on Pang!, please visit

Pang! Synopsis –
Pang! is an evening of three highly original theatre pieces about real American families facing poverty’s innumerable challenges – from hunger to gun violence to foreclosure to immigrant life – with love, humor and resilience. Staged as if recording a live radio broadcast or podcast, three actors at microphones voice dozens of characters, from 18-months to 77-years old, from a Burundian refugee speaking in his home language, to a 7-year-old Miami boy whose dialogue is spoken in unison by the entire ensemble. Pang! is a symphony of animated dialogue, musical accompaniment and live Foley sound effects, including doors slamming, dishes scraping, doorbells ringing, shovels digging, and rivers raging.

The plays are produced, written and directed by Dan Froot, in collaboration with the ensemble, with music by Robert Een, sound design by Cricket Myers, lighting design by Christopher Kuhl and are performed by actors Natalie CamunasDonna Simone JohnsonChristopher Rivas, and Froot and Een. Pang!’s lighting director/production manager is Katelan Braymer, the sound engineer is Gary Markowitz, and the dramaturge is Bobby Gordon.

Los Angeles Tickets – 
There will be two Pang! performances in Los Angeles at 24th STreet Theatre (1117 West 24th Street, Los Angeles, CA 90007): opening night is on Saturday, December 2 at 8:00pm and a matinee on Sunday, December 3, 2017 at 3:00pm follows. Ticket are $24 for adults; $15 for students, seniors and teachers; $10 for teens under 18; and $2.40 for University Park residents (with ID). For tickets, please visit or call 213-745-6516. 

A Glimpse Behind the Scenes of Pang! 
Pang! is a response to our increasing socioeconomic disparity. Over the course of eight months in 2015-2016, Dan Froot and Company created six book-length oral histories of families living with food insecurity in Cedar Rapids, Los Angeles and Miami. They then collaborated with one of the families from each city to devise each of the 30-minute stories that comprise Pang!. The families consult with the Company continuously throughout the adaptation, rehearsal and performance processes. The families include:

From Cedar Rapids:
A family who makes a harrowing escape from war-torn Burundi and resettles as refugees in Eastern Iowa. The play is a fictionalized account of the making of a documentary podcast about the family’s story by a do-gooder producer. As he tries to bend the family’s narrative to serve his mission, cultural misunderstandings ensue. The family is, in the end, able to communicate a more nuanced understanding of immigrant life than the producer has ever imagined.

From Los Angeles:
We are introduced to Beatrice, her nine spirited children and her cantankerous elderly uncle, Gregorio, as she takes us on a tour of the beautiful two-story house her grandmother purchased 65 years prior. We witness heartwarming vignettes from the family’s history: uproarious backyard barbecues, chaotic school mornings, teenage sisters fighting over the house’s only phone. We learn that the uncle has been trying desperately to modify the home’s second mortgage. Enter Rex Salonga, a convivial mortgage adjuster. Through a tragicomic kaleidoscope of phone messages and home visits, Rex befriends Gregorio and convinces him to allow Rex to “help” him modify his loan. Spoiler alert: the foreclosure crisis is not over.

From Miami:
A seven-year-old boy sews seeds of hope by fantasizing his family's way out of a Miami neighborhood besieged by violence and beset by racism. The play is written from the child’s point of view, as audiences are taken on a wild ride that merges super-hero fantasies with car crashes, the tooth fairy, and the loss of a dear family friend.

Even though the plays deal with sobering realities, they are rich with the humor, warmth and resilience of the families themselves.

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Just Because...Snow Bunnies!

Say Hello to my Widdle Friend
Kristin Davis
Just Because bunnies are cute,Just Because we need a respite from the appalling sh!t show of our current government, and Just Because one of the bunnies is Kristin Davis. For some Saturday solitude here is, Kristin Davis (naturally) Charlotte from Sex and the City and, what else? A wascally, widdle, wabbit!

The two were caught canoodling at the traditional inauguration of the Christmas market in Henndorf, Austria. Say that three times fast!

Kristin looks pleased as punch to be getting to know her furry buddy and the bunny looks pretty happy too!

So when you feel like your mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Gaze upon this image and breathe.

Have a warm and fuzzy Saturday!

Kristin on Instagram: 

Friday, November 17, 2017

Got Ed Wood?

Alamo Drafthouse's American Genre Film Archive and Something Weird
announce brand new 4k transfer of Ed Wood's THE VIOLENT YEARS 

Coming to Blu-ray on November 21st

Enjoy The Violence!!!

Alamo Drafthouse's American Genre Film Archive, the largest non-profit genre film archive in the world, and Something Weird are excited to announce an November 21st release of THE VIOLENT YEARS on Blu-ray. After a successful Kickstarter campaign in 2015, AGFA purchased a 4K film scanner to create new digital transfers of titles from the Something Weird library. THE VIOLENT YEARS is the third release of dozens in this partnership, following THE ZODIAC KILLER and BAT PUSSY.

Written by legendary Hollywood outsider Edward D. Wood, Jr. (PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE, GLEN OR GLENDA), THE VIOLENT YEARS is the story of Paula Parkins (Jean Moorehead), a good-girl-gone-bad who leads her degenerate teenage hellcats down a path of gas station hijackings, pajama party orgies, and cold-blooded murder! From Wood's patently deranged dialogue to the scene where the gang performs a "man attack," THE VIOLENT YEARS is an essential exposé on crime, gender politics, and sweater-stealing. Remember, "This is a story of violence!"

"Ed Wood's influence is woven into our DNA," said AGFA director Joe Ziemba. "We're honored to help the world reassess his importance as a ground-breaking queer filmmaker through our release of THE VIOLENT YEARS with Something Weird. Wherever he is, we hope Ed is smiling."

Special features include:
- New 4K scan from the original camera negative!
- Commentary track with filmmaker Frank Henenlotter (BASKET CASE, FRANKENHOOKER) and Ed Wood biographer Rudolph Grey!
- Gutter-noir trailers from the Something Weird vault!
- Memorabilia scrapbook!
- Bonus movie: ANATOMY OF A PSYCHO (1961), a new 2K scan from an original theatrical print
- Reversible cover art