Showing posts with label Vagina. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vagina. Show all posts

Saturday, May 25, 2019

Release The "Vagina"

Alaska Thunder#ck

Alaska Thunderfuck  Surprises Fans with Her New “Vagina” Release
“This new album-- "Vagina" -- is a return to form for classic Alaska Thunderfuck music:  Hard electronic beats, songs about taboo body parts and lewd sexual acts, some total nonsense, and of course lots and lots of swear words.  But within all of this filth and frivolity, I hope some real meaning is able to seep through.  The album is called "Vagina" because it continues a movement through the chakras of the body.  My first album was "Anus," and the next chakra above that one is the genitals.  Naturally, the Vagina, the portal of all life, and the passage through which every human being comes into being was the only choice for the album title.  In the wake of the current political climate, where women's bodies are being regulated and controlled by men, I think the title grabs people's attention and it's a little dangerous.  I like that.”  – Alaska Thunderfuck  
"Vagina" is available thru all digital retailers: http://lnk.to/alaskav  
1.  Vagina

This song is a feminist anthem inspired by the Me Too and Time's Up Movements.  (It should also come with the caveat that not all women have Vaginas, and this song is for all women.)  I am not a female impersonator, and when I perform in Drag I am not dressing up "like a woman,"-- In fact I am worshipping at the altar the Divine Feminine and of all Womankind.  This song reflects that sentiment and I think it's the most important song on the album.  

2.  Leopard Print

Leopard print is my current obsession.  Since I've become obsessed with leopard print clothing, I've started to notice it in every facet of culture currently and even in the past.  Everything must be leopard print.  

3.  Everybody Wants To Fuck Me

I believe the message of this song is the underlying subtext behind most social media.  I spend all day looking at pictures of myself, and then I post pictures and videos of myself.  Because everyone wants to look at me.  Everyone wants to fuck me.  But what would happen if the switch got shut off one day and everyone's Instagram followers went back to zero?  

4.  Walk Into the Club

All of our favorite pop songs have a line about walking into the club.  So I wrote a song that is just about walking into the club.  I stole this idea from either Bob the Drag Queen or Trixie Mattel during a dressing room chat.  

5.  Getting Kicked Out (of Micky's on a Monday Night)

This song is based on a time that I didn't eat dinner and proceeded to have a few too many whiskeys and wines and ended up getting kicked out of West Hollywood Drag club Micky's on a Monday night.  The next day I woke up and I was ashamed and embarrassed beyond belief.  But I thought, if I can make something out of this terrible experience, maybe it won't be for nothing.  So I took my shame and vomited it into this song.  

6.  Cellulite (feat.  Big Dipper)

This is a song about fetishizing fat guys.  I like them.  

7.  Drip (Jodie Harsh Mix)

I think waterspouts are underrated.  There are so many songs about fucking, which can be a risky and dangerous behavior.  But piss is sterile and fun, and I think more people should be into it.  So this is a Piss anthem.  

8.  Snaked (Ellis Miah Mix) - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Atr9ZoCpcAY

When All Stars 2 of RuPaul's Drag Race aired, I became known as the queen of snakes.  As a result, many designers made me clothes that were snake themed.  I had all of these clothes saved up and I wanted to feature them in a beautiful way.  So Ellis and I wrote this song, and then I teamed up with Brad Hammer to feature all of the snake clothes in a music video.  

9.  Frances

This is a song about a young business woman named Fran Fine, who follows her heart of gold and in turn finds the family she's always wanted and the man of her dreams.  

10.  Pride

This is the little sister to "Hieeee."  It's a song about how to do Pride properly, complete with cracking fans and throwing shade.

11.  Twisted

A feel-good bop about getting wasted on various substances-- but none of them seem to compare to the feeling of love.  

12.  Land of the Midnight Sun

Sometimes I find it hard to say my feelings, and instead I run away from conflict and confrontation.  This song is about that, and is an apology to anyone I may have hurt by doing that.  It's also named after the state of Alaska, which is called "The Land of the Midnight Sun" because in the summer the sun stays out all night.  

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Michael's Musings

Want To Know What's Behind The Curtain???
Michael Shinafelt
Photo: Jay Jorgensen
This past week has been really boring if you ask me. Hey, my life is pretty stimulating it's the "important" events happening in the world that need to rise to a competent level of intelligence.

OK, there were some bright spots, and many lows. I will try to put some restraints on myself, even though that is usually not my style (I usually do the restraining) and try to limit the negative.

Are you ready boots? Let's start walkin'...

Nordstrom stock went up when they dumped Ivanka Trump's clothing line, made in China. Keeping America great.

I've been such a dick on a broomstick of late aka I've been speaking my mind and taking no shit

While typing a text auto-correct kept changing the word "dildo" into "soldier" - AC has one fucking hell of an imagination!

Lady Gaga totally blew me away at the Superbowl, her performance was brilliant. The most impressive part to me was when she caught the football and jumped with precision timing. Hell, I know I couldn't do that.

Betsy DeVos secured her seat as Secretary of Education. Two things. The first is I am so grateful I did not bring a child into this world, the second? Pink Floyd called it on their song Another Brick in the Wall apparently "We Don't Need No Education" 



Wednesday On Thursday  - I hated everyone before it was mainstream...

Did you know you can find my chat with Traci Lords about her clothing line for Pin-Up Girl on her website? Here is the link: http://www.tracilords.com/press/  our exchange is under the byline "Traci Lords Pin-Up Girl"

I read an article about how crystal dildos can heal your vagina and make it a magical place. Yeah, I know I don't have one, but who could resist that read???

Faye Dunaway & Warren Beatty are presenting the Oscar for Best Picture this year. Now that's gangsta!

Counting down the days until April 18th when the final season of Pretty Little Liars airs and we find out everything. It's the only show I am obsessed with, don't judge me.

For my money Moonlight is the Best Picture of the year.

That's a wrap peeps!

Here's where you can find me on the WWW:

https://www.instagram.com/michaelshinafelt/?hl=en
https://twitter.com/mshinafelt?lang=en  

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Kate Beckinsale Is A Dick!

Detachable Penis
Kate Beckinsale
With my recent posts about vagina and booty I could not pass up addressing the penis on here now could I?!

Especially when that organ happens to be the lovely Kate Beckinsale best known for the Underworld movies in an inflatable dick costume with the caption "Just a girl trying to make it in a man's world."

Oh is this how you do it? I learned something new today, thanks Kate!

Kate tweeted the image without details of any sort, much to her followers collective frustration.

See what a total dick she is???

Happy Tuesday!

Tweet with Kate at:
https://twitter.com/KateBeckinsale   

Sunday, July 10, 2016

RHONYC: "It Still Looks Like A Big Ball Sack"

Got Vagina?
Real Housewives Of New York City
"It still looks like a big ball sack. My vagina definitely doesn't match my personality. I don't identify with her at all. Is my vagina going to go back to the perfect pistachio" - Jules Wainstein

This season on the The Real Housewives of New York City it's a whole lot of vagina!
One of my BFF's and fellow "Housewives" fan Karen Castrischer-Stegall stated it best: 
"Why is it necessary for a vagina to be a story line?!"

Ratings I am assuming? It all started with my spirit animal Bethenny Frankel's excessive bleeding. Then moved over to Jules Wainstein's vaginal tear (great name for a Drag Queen, right Karen?!)

Thus the insightful quote from Ms. Wainstein above...

Got vagina questions?

Well tune into The Real Housewives of New York City - Countess Luann is above it all, hey she's getting married after four weeks of knowing her fiance', her vagina is obviously just fine!

RHONYC at:
www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city  

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

"Spread Your Legs!" Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Where's The Guacamole?!
Khloe Kardashian
"I'm gonna get guacamole up your vagina right now. Spread your legs. Tell her to spread her legs." Kourtney Kardashian to Khloe Kardasian during a food fight involving, duh, guacamole. 

OK, while I am not a rabid Kardashian fan, I do admit to being a casual observer. Define that you say? Well each weeks new episode is the soundtrack to my early morning (I wake up at five) work schedule. In other words one of the shows that is great background noise while I am on the computer. 

That being stated it's quotes like the above one that keep me coming back for more sound bites. It certainly isn't the "drama" and the staged ways it is dealt with. Also I have to admit I have a special fondness for Khloe Kardashian

Khloe, always the straight shooter is a woman after my own heart. She is the one I know I could hang with and have a blast as we would be on the same page. Below are fifteen Khloe Kuotes that I have selected that sound like things I say and text to my friends & loved ones. Don't you wish you were on my list of contacts now???
1. “I hear the pitter-patter of a dinosaur.” – On hearing mom Kris Jenner’s footsteps approaching.
2. “Wow my sister has changed. She used to whip her boobs out for no reason. Now she does it to feed her child.” – On sister Kourtney Kardashian becoming a mom.
3. "Sometimes a b**ch snaps."
4. "It's haunting me for the rest of my life" – On Kim’s song “Jam.”
5. “Droopy balls? Buy briefs! A bra for your balls!” – Via Twitter.
6. “Your hair is, like, shorter than a vagina’s bush.” – To mom Kris after a haircut.
7. “I could maybe hit it better if they were black balls.” – To Bruce Jenner, on golfing.
8. “I’m Khloe. My sisters say I am a b**ch.”
9. “Hi Satan!” – Addressing mom Kris on the phone.
10. "Are you going to be a boring whore your whole life?" – To one of her sisters.
11. “Sorry, Sir, I curse a lot.”
12. “I have a nipple obsession and personally love when women show their nipples— perhaps I was a member of a nudist colony in my last life.” – On her sheer X-Factor top.
13. "A little bun in the oven. Your ass is gonna be so big." – On Kim’s pregnancy.
14. "I am gonna turn into an alcoholic tonight."
15. "Don’t go into the ocean while on your period because a shark is going to attack you."

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow Cleanses Her Vagina

Gwyneth Paltrow: Fresher Than a Summer's Eve
Gwyneth Paltrow steamed out the contents of her V-spot and spilled it all on Goop. 

Yes, that's right folks, the G Spot took to her lifestyle site Goop and wrote about an expensive (quell surprise) Santa Monica retreat called Tikkun Holistic Spa.

"The real golden ticket here is the Mugworth V-Steam: You sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al." 

The spa's site gives a history of the art of vagina steaming , explaining that it has been utilized in Korea "for hundreds of years" and helps to "maintain internal health" and keeps "skin looking young and healthy. The procedure involves the placement of boiled leaves and flower buds on a "specific area of the body" for "detoxication." 

Heralded as "the talk of the town," the V-Steam will cost you $50 for a 30-minute treatment.

Now THAT is one high end douche!

You're Never Fully Dressed Without a V-Steam at:
http://www.tikkunspa.com/

Pour Some Goop On It: 
http://goop.com/

Friday, November 14, 2014

Let's Get Naked, Celebrities Gone Wild!!!

First Kim Kardashian "broke the internet" with her Paper Magazine cover featuring her bountiful booty. Which was then followed-up immediately by a full frontal nude shot. Nothing says hamster like Kim K's vagina. 

As quickly as Kim bared all James Franco and Seth Rogen show us what their bodies look like head to toe with their frontal nudity pixelated, damn you pixelation! Promoting their appearance on what looks to be a comedic episode of Discovery Channel's Naked and Afraid airing December 7th. Which in turn is promoting their movie The Interview opening Christmas Day. 
Whose The Bigger Man? Franco or Rogen?
Say all of that three times fast, c'mon I dare you!

KK's ass I must say was eye popping to say the least, and I bet if you got too close that could be a quite literal statement. I immediately thought of the song Big Bottom from the movie This Is Spinal Tap upon seeing it in all it's photo shop glory. For the uninitiated check out these lyrics from the song below and you'll understand. 

"Big bottom, big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom, drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?" - "Big Bottom" Spinal Tap


Upon first view of the image of James Franco and his bromance Seth Rogen I thought: Three way. Seriously they both have nice natural looking Male bodies and each have some mojo happening.

Now if only they would let us see what is behind those F#@king pixels...!!!

T.G.I.F. - have a terrific weekend!

Take It Off! With:

Kim Kardashian: https://www.facebook.com/KimKardashian
James Franco: http://instagram.com/jamesfrancotv
Seth Rogen: http://instagram.com/sethrogen